The mere concept here is just ridiculous. For one, hot chicks rarely walk around with headphones. It’s usually the non-hot-ones. Also, if a chick were to actually have these on, then the chick probably cares enough about her appearance that she also wears earrings – in which case, everything would have to match. Otherwise the “accessories” and these headphones would just clash. Either way, there would just be way too much gold and jewelry on the ears. Also, if Shure headphones short easily – then I’m sure these will go bad pretty quickly. Sounds quality can’t be that great either since focus was definitely placed more on looks – and we all know how everything else is sacrificed in these cases. Worst of all, some random guys with too much money will probably wear these as well and just look silly. But the thing that’s ugliest of all about these headphones? The $5000 price tag. Ew!

There are very few things that can make you look too-cool-for-school immediately as you use them. Well, this is clearly one of them. No doubt that you will be the center of attention when you wear this thing around town. And just wait until you have to switch to the next song. People in front of you will think that you’re pressing forcefully against the back of your skull. But no worries – they’ll understand, considering that they’ll first see your wire ear brace. No doubt they will feel sorry for you and sympathize with your medical condition. And all that time, you can just keep on jamming to your tunes.

What time is it? Oh, wait, that’s right! You have no idea! This would be more useful as a dog collar (clearly for nothing more than a Paris Hilton chihuahua) than a watch. Sure, I guess it can count as just a metal wrist accessory with random blinking lights – but that makes it something that should be included in a Happy Meal and not sold for $160. Even just looking at this “action-shot” of the watch, and trying to match the suggestion that it’s 6:35, I still don’t get it: sure – six red ones is the 6, five yellow dotties probably represents the 5 in 35, but what about the 3 in 35? Is the magic “encryption” equal to “green + 1″ ? Just get one of those traditional watches that has worked for decades now without any unnecessary complications.

This is incredibly unnecessary and just completely messed up. I can just imagine a new Japanese game show already: ChewMaster! Or even playgroups of children where they’ll be competing on who can chew a slice of pizza longer. And then they can spit it out and drink it with a straw! Ewww. I heard this also comes with a recipe book. Chunky chicken soup is 25 bites and cream of chicken soup is 176 bites. A banana and mango smoothie requires a full 223.

As if wearing a Bluetooth headset is not dorky and ridiculously unnecessary enough, now you can proudly accessorize your ear technology with a great indestructible retainer cord. Didn’t think you drew enough attention to yourself already? Well, here is your chance to make sure everyone sees you and feels envious of how cool you are. This is my offer: $50 to the first person who sees someone wearing this ridiculous thing and just grabs it, pulls it, and tears both the earpiece and clip right off of the dork. Just email me a video or take an action still-shot and the PayPal address you want the payment sent to. The challenge is on!