Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame

Years of design school, decades of experience, and then you think to yourself “Hey, why don’t I just make something completely whack?! I’ll just ignore everything and anything I learned about design and just use my pure imagination. No! Even better! I’ll just close my eyes, draw lines, and then have my 3-year-old color the thing as he pleases. Genius!” Except, not genius.

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Ugly and Awkward Shoes

Not sure what’s going on here but these things are excessively unappealing. They look remotely like some type of upside-down animal antlers. Probably not too comfortable to walk in either. And how did the person designing this ever think that they are worthy of being brought from paper into reality? There is certainly nothing “sexy” about them. And no, the ladybug colors don’t make up for the awkward shape.

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Gold Plated Bling Bling Headphones

The mere concept here is just ridiculous. For one, hot chicks rarely walk around with headphones. It’s usually the non-hot-ones. Also, if a chick were to actually have these on, then the chick probably cares enough about her appearance that she also wears earrings - in which case, everything would have to match. Otherwise the “accessories” and these headphones would just clash. Either way, there would just be way too much gold and jewelry on the ears. Also, if Shure headphones short easily - then I’m sure these will go bad pretty quickly. Sounds quality can’t be that great either since focus was definitely placed more on looks - and we all know how everything else is sacrificed in these cases. Worst of all, some random guys with too much money will probably wear these as well and just look silly. But the thing that’s ugliest of all about these headphones? The $5000 price tag. Ew!

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Military BulletProof Wheels

So these are only for military use, but with the civilian love for military items (such as camouflage clothing) it’s certainly possible that these wheels will eventually make it onto roads. Either way, these things are largely unappealing. They’ve got some legit street-cred by being bullet proof and apparently bomb proof as well - but aesthetics are clearly being sacrificed. Hopefully they’ll make some hubcaps for these in time.

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The Bubble Gum Blob Car

Not sure what the deal is here - but it certainly doesn’t look pretty. The only excuse is if this was made for some type of movie or as a prop. Otherwise, there is no reason that a car should look like it’s a collection of chewed bubble gum melted together.

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iPod Shuffle Wire Headphones

There are very few things that can make you look too-cool-for-school immediately as you use them. Well, this is clearly one of them. No doubt that you will be the center of attention when you wear this thing around town. And just wait until you have to switch to the next song. People in front of you will think that you’re pressing forcefully against the back of your skull. But no worries - they’ll understand, considering that they’ll first see your wire ear brace. No doubt they will feel sorry for you and sympathize with your medical condition. And all that time, you can just keep on jamming to your tunes.

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Jim Carrey’s Halloween Costume

Jim Carrey is the man! As would be expected from him, his Halloween face-disfiguration is certainly slightly less than pleasurable. I guess you can get such real-life results when you have a personal team of make-up artists at your disposal. While entertaining people who know him, I’m sure he scared a good amount of kids and older ladies who probably thought that they just saw a severely-wounded zombie walking by.

Want your own costume or facial-disfiguration-kit? Just click here.

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The crazy-scary-looking Pygmy Tarsier

I’m not even going to try to lie on this one: not many things scare me, but if I were to see one of these things in the wild, with just me there and this freak staring at me like that, I would run away - screaming like a little baby. I would keep on running for at least an hour - probably just to find this thing clinging to the back of my shirt. Those eyes are just incredibly freaky! I don’t care if it’s smaller than my hand - that thing can probably move fast. What’s the worst part? The fact that researchers have actually found more of these things, despite thinking (probably hoping) that they were extinct. Just remind me never to travel to Indonesia. Thanks.

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Bald & Toothless Peruvian Dog

If Obama decides to go with this dog as the “White House Puppy” or “First Dog” then the Peruvians will have pulled one of the funniest pranks ever on America. Supposedly this non-warmth-retaining and no-chewing-equipment creature is being considered by Obama since one of his daughters is allergic. This scary-looking thing is probably some type of shunned, bad-luck-bearing creature in Peru, and the country is trying to convince our new President-Elect that it’s the right choice. If they choose to go with him, first I’ll laugh, and then I’ll be shipping a blender and a box of straws to Obama so that he can feed this little fella.

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Tokyoflash Shinshoku Weirdo Watch

What time is it? Oh, wait, that’s right! You have no idea! This would be more useful as a dog collar (clearly for nothing more than a Paris Hilton chihuahua) than a watch. Sure, I guess it can count as just a metal wrist accessory with random blinking lights - but that makes it something that should be included in a Happy Meal and not sold for $160. Even just looking at this “action-shot” of the watch, and trying to match the suggestion that it’s 6:35, I still don’t get it: sure - six red ones is the 6, five yellow dotties probably represents the 5 in 35, but what about the 3 in 35? Is the magic “encryption” equal to “green + 1″ ? Just get one of those traditional watches that has worked for decades now without any unnecessary complications.

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The Shoe Purse Hybrid

Ladies, do you want to make sure that you catch the attention of that special guy walking down the street? This is your purse! Do you want to attract positive attention and have him notice you instead of just stare awestruck at your purse? Well then this one is NOT for you! I can understand that creativity is sometimes difficult, but that’s why it’s called creativity. Don’t force it by blending items together at random. This is an absolute failure of an attempt at design. If you have one of these, please throw it out. To everyone else: please don’t even think about buying one. Kthxbye.

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Hairless Canadian Sphynx

That is one utterly unattractive feline. The size of those eyes is just freaky, and the lack of hair certainly doesn’t add any bonus points. And don’t tell me that it’s actually a cute kitty! Sure, if you look at it for maybe 2 hours or more then you’ll get habituated and it won’t freak you out anymore - but cats are made to be cuddly and cute at first glance. Blame Canada.

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The Neon Green Hummer Tank

There is just no acceptable reason for this. Why would you make an already-ugly car even more repulsive? Why would you make something that already calls attention to itself even more ridiculous by painting it neon green? Why would you waste money on a pointless and impractical project? Why would you build something that scares little kids and baby kittens?

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The Freaky Japanese Bite-O-Meter

This is incredibly unnecessary and just completely messed up. I can just imagine a new Japanese game show already: ChewMaster! Or even playgroups of children where they’ll be competing on who can chew a slice of pizza longer. And then they can spit it out and drink it with a straw! Ewww. I heard this also comes with a recipe book. Chunky chicken soup is 25 bites and cream of chicken soup is 176 bites. A banana and mango smoothie requires a full 223.

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The bluDangle Earpiece Cord

As if wearing a Bluetooth headset is not dorky and ridiculously unnecessary enough, now you can proudly accessorize your ear technology with a great indestructible retainer cord. Didn’t think you drew enough attention to yourself already? Well, here is your chance to make sure everyone sees you and feels envious of how cool you are. This is my offer: $50 to the first person who sees someone wearing this ridiculous thing and just grabs it, pulls it, and tears both the earpiece and clip right off of the dork. Just email me a video or take an action still-shot and the PayPal address you want the payment sent to. The challenge is on!

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